Never good enough...

So, I love being single. I have no problems saying that. But, there is always a part of me that hopes that someday MY perfect man will come along. He will do what he says he is going to do. He will call when he says he is going to call. He will kiss me on my forehead. He will love my dog. He will call me names like princess, beautiful, sweet girl, sweetie etc. He will love me despite my love of "stuff" and unfinished projects in my garage. Our conversations will go on for days. Our love will be wonderful. We will work at it but it will be fun. Well, way back in August I blogged about a guy I had a connection with years before and had gotten back in contact with again. It was amazing. We were finally both single at the same time. We would talk for HOURS on the phone or via Skype. I was in Nashville packing to move back to Texas. He was living in Oklahoma City. (3 short hours from there to my house in TX). I was over the moon that I had found a great guy. When I moved back to Texas all of sudden he started being "weird" for lack of a better term. Like he was afraid. He was just out of a bad relationship. He was and I quote "DONE with all girlfriends. Done with relationships. I need a break" That was spoken in November. So, we have still talked over the last few months. Not for hours at a time like we used to but maintaining our friendship. Last night he tells me he has a girlfriend. I WAS PISSED!!! He couldn't figure out why I was pissed. I was pissed because I felt like I am NEVER good enough to date. I am NEVER good enough to be THE GIRLFRIEND. I am always the fucking friend. I yelled at him and asked him how is this possible you were so anti, girlfriend. AND why the fuck wasn't I GOOD ENOUGH to be your girlfriend? He was floored. He couldn't figure out where this was coming from. Are men that stupid? Seriously you spend 2-8 hours a DAY on the phone & Skype with someone and don't think that perhaps there are more feelings involved? I made the realization months ago that he was NOT "the one" for me. Due to some of his issues and baggage that I don't care to deal with or need to discuss here. But the sting of hearing he had a girlfriend was much more painful than I thought it would be. It made me feel like shit. Like I wasn't good enough. I don't know if I believe in marriage. I have seen too many that don't work. They stay married for the kids or because they can't afford to live alone and raise kids. They stay together out of convenience. They are not loving. They are not faithful. They are miserable. I guess I would rather be single than be stuck in something miserable. But, I still woke up in the middle of the night to watch William and Kate get married. And I cried. I woke up in the middle of the night to watch William's mom get married 30 years ago. As little girls we all dream of being princesses and finding our prince and having the fairy tale life that we read about and that Disney makes and remakes into movies ad nauseum. I think I cried because it was the fairy tale. It was a prince and princess. I still don't know if it will ever happen for me. So, I have to be happy with myself and my life and keep on keeping on. I have to remember I had made the decision months ago that he wasn't right for me. I must admit it still kinda hurts to feel like I wasn't good enough.